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  • Anna H.

Seeking Accountability...



Last week (or something like it), I posted my goals for 2021. This week, I am going to talk about accountability. While in a writing group of Black women scholars, someone brought up keeping herself accountable to her research goals, and I had a light bulb, come to Jesus moment. This needs to be one of my tasks for this year: find multiple ways to hold myself accountable. I've already started this with my research goals. I've joined multiple writing groups with different systems, including one where we share our work (I am still waiting for my dream writing group). Now, I need accountability systems for my other goals, and I have many choices that range from phone and computer apps to relying on other people. One system that merges the aforementioned two is posting them here on this public-ass blog.


For me, seeking accountability through help from other people feels vulnerable. It's scary to share goals that I may not meet. It's terrifying to think that I might fail--publically. I don't want to admit that I need help, that I can't do it all on my own. I have to remind myself that we all need help. No one is successful in isolation. As a scholar of Black disability studies, I value interdependence in theory. Seeking help with accountability demonstrates that I value it in practice. Being vulnerable with others is how we build networks of care and support. It also affirms that my goals are worth achieving. I am worth putting in 100% effort for.


I don't know if I will be able to achieve all of my goals. I don't know if I will even make a dent in them. But, I will move one step closer to success by seeking out help and support. Does the mere thought of reaching out and sharing my potential failure with another spike my anxiety? Hell yeah! But I am going to do it anyway because my goals are worth my best effort. I am worth my best effort. And my best effort necessitates the love and support of other people.


How are you holding yourself accountable this year? What do your care networks look like?


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